Its weird how when I’m sad, there’s just no cheering up for a couple days. It’s like it takes my heart forever to pick itself back up. Blegh.


Guess who’s back..

Back again~ hehehehe


It’s time for a small rant.

I remember when I was in high school I got up to some pretty questionable things. Skipping, going out to smoke weed at lunch, getting drunk on school nights, I guess that’s pretty tame now. Looking back now, I regret my decisions but accept them as rebellious teen behaviour. 

Suddenly, the younger girls in the scene today are completely off the wire. Not stereotyping because I completely understand that there are some girls who are on the right path. But the stories I hear sicken me. 15 year olds snorting pills in the bathroom at school? How is that okay. How do these girls get so off track that they get eating disorders and go on pill diets. Were they made to feel like they’re not good enough otherwise? I hope they’re not doing it to fit in with the older people, because if they were they would be completely misinformed. I don’t really know anyone who is that extreme with their drug use, or so frequent. I’m so worried about all these girls because I know a lot of them, and they are intelligent, kind and worth a thousand times more then what they have given themselves. I want to put blame somewhere, but surely it’d fall back on to people like me, we see them and still do nothing.

I just wish I could help. 


hi tumblr

its been a while


Okay, really.

Its a saturday fucking night, you told me I’d get to hang out with you all night last night.. I never see you. Ever. You were supposed to be here at 7:30, its 10pm. I dunno if I’d rather you not show up, or deal with you showing up and me feeling like a late night booty call. I am your girlfriend, I would like to feel that way. I should not be dealing with this, I am way too fucking good to be dealing with this. Sometimes you just have to make the call and say enough is enough………… but its really hard when you do show up and act so charming :( 

What is wrong with me! I guess its easy to hold your head up high and announce to the world that you are a “strong, confident, sexy, etc.” kind of woman until you actually find a boy that makes you act like an idiot! Thank god Nick and Vanessa’s wedding is on tonight so I can just watch it and cry and imagine.  


things that make my heart feel like one million pounds:

  • when your favorite thing breaks and you can’t put it back together
  • when i’m looking out of the window of a car and i see an animal which was killed by a machine like the one i’m in and i want to open my door and roll onto road so i can suffer like that undeserving animal did because really i’m the one who deserves the pain for being in that horrible machine in the first place
  • when inside you feel like a rain storm but the sky doesn’t agree so it’s bright and sunny and instead of being happy you’re frustrated
  • seeing something so terrible and awful that you can’t do anything, not even swallow or blink or breathe, only ache
  • when every plant you try to take care of dies and your bedside table isn’t a bedside table anymore, it’s a graveyard for all your dead plants
  • when i’m sitting in this chair and i feel so bored that i begin to get sad and i slump off of the chair and onto the floor and i just lay there and stare at the fibers on the carpet and think about things which make me sad so i can put it all together on a list
  • when you go to the pier and it smells like fish because that smell doesn’t belong on the pier it belongs in the ocean
  • when you’re sad and someone close to you tries to do something nice but you’re such a rotten fruit that you’re sour towards them and their feelings are hurt and you’re not sorry until later
  • waking up and then seeing that the day is already over
  • when i accidentally turn the shower on and then realize that there were ants crawling around on the floor and now they’re floating helplessly in the water so i turn the water off and sit naked on the floor of the shower for half an hour trying to save them and put them on the wall where they’ll be safe but they just keep falling off
  • when you don’t call your grandparents as often as you should
  • when you accidentally step on your dog-friend’s paw or tail and they cry and run away from you and you start to cry because you’re so sorry
  • when you feel ugly and you have to go to school so you hide behind your hair or your hands all day
  • when there was a big beautiful tree in your neighbour’s yard and one day you come home and it’s just a tree stump and you feel like it would be wailing if it had a mouth but it doesn’t so no one hears that it’s hurt

(via chillerbee-deactivated20121007)